My day 6-9-14

     I went to a Gastroenterologist Dr. today.  She is a female Dr.  I was abuse when I was young and don’t like anyone touching me below the waist.  At first I thought they were putting a microscope down my throat.  I found out this morning I was going to have a rectal exam. I really got  upset, nervous and anxious. I went out to a few stores to try to distract myself  which by the way is the DBT skills.  I had taking two Clonzepam to help calm my nerves.  I went and the Dr. and I talked.  She told me I didn’t have to have the exam.  I told her I was there and to do it.  She did and it’s wasn’t so bad.  I was having suicidal thoughts on and off.  I did my Dialectical Behavior therapy. Some of the skills.  I listen to music on my Nook while I was waiting to be call. I was crying but no tantrum. She did that exam and  it’s wasn’t so bad. I was having suicidal thoughts on and off. But I managed to ignore them and just keep busy for a while until they subside.  I think I did pretty good today.